


in the wrong place trying to make it right

by enormity



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 15:33:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1784182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enormity/pseuds/enormity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She lives with Nyssa. She has a house with Nyssa. She does not need one with Oliver. She needs to come home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in the wrong place trying to make it right

She’s too far gone, she has too much darkness in her, and she is not what Oliver needs.

 

Those were the excuses she gave when she left Starling city once more. They weren’t all lies, they hold some truth in them, but Sara knows that those things are not what made her realize that she cannot stay in Starling city anymore. She has decided even before Roy went on his beating-up-everyone spree. She decided some time after Oliver brought up living together.

 

Everything became too real the minute Ollie’s words sank in. For years, Sara has lived with only one person. Nyssa. Nyssa’s house was her house and Nyssa’s bed was her bed. Ollie’s idea seemed crazy to her. She lives with Nyssa. She has a house with Nyssa. She does not need one with Oliver. But then Sara realized that it was her that was not right in the head.

 

She left. She _left_ Nyssa.

 

She left her home.

 

She was saved by the ringing of both of their phones and Sara silently thanked Felicity’s impeccable timing. They got dressed, got on their bikes, and before she has even reached Verdant, Sara has already made a decision.

 

She needs to come home.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara has been having nightmares.

 

Last year, Sara would have laughed at anyone’s face if they said her nightmare would feature Nyssa’s face. But it was happening, she has been having nightmares that shows Nyssa’s face, particularly her expression when she released Sara. Each night she is reminded that _she_ put that look on Nyssa’s face. _She_ was the reason Nyssa looked as if her world was crumbling as she said those three shattering words.

 

_I release you._

 

Sara knows Nyssa better than anyone and she knows that Nyssa was not only speaking about her affiliation with the League. It was in the way Nyssa’s eyes suddenly became guarded even as she forced those words out in a breath.

 

I _release_ you.

 

Nyssa was releasing her.

 

Nyssa was _letting her_ _go_.

 

Sara had stared wide-eyed at Nyssa for a moment, her heart thundering against her chest both from coming back to life and from the impact of Nyssa’s words (whether about getting released from the League or from Nyssa, Sara does not know). She wanted to say something, to thank her or to stop her but Nyssa was gone in a heartbeat and Sara was left confused when she should have been elated and happy.

 

It’s a nightmare Sara relives every time she closes her eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara cannot take the killing anymore, and that was true.

 

With each target she kills, Sara feels as if a part of her soul is being stripped away and now she is left with barely a soul.

 

It is also true, however, that what little soul Ta-er al-Asfer has left, that minute part yearns for the Heir to the Demon.

 

Sara cannot take the killing anymore but losing Nyssa will kill her completely.

 

* * *

 

Sara doesn't go straight to Nyssa.

 

It would have been the easiest way. Nyssa would listen to her even though Sara just broke her heart. Nyssa would never treat Sara badly despite everything that has happened between them. But Sara does not want the easy way. She wants to do things right.

 

So she goes to Ra’s al Ghul.

 

She gets attacked the second she steps foot in the temple-slash-mansion the League uses as headquarters. She is surrounded in an instant but Sara expected it and so she came prepared. She’s on her twentieth (or maybe it was just the nineteenth?) goon when Ra’s’ deep voice cuts the fight off.

 

“You are not welcome here anymore. What makes you think you can come back?”

 

It is more of a statement, a warning, than a question but Sara answers anyway. She meets his gaze head on, something she has learned to do when she and Nyssa first started their relationship all those years ago.

 

“I need to see Nyssa.”

 

Ra’s walks towards her, nearer and nearer until they are standing directly in front of each other. He is enormous and his eyes are scary but Sara holds her ground. Ra’s would not hurt her. She is more valuable to him alive than dead.

 

“You have been released, Sara Lance, just as you have asked. You do not have any right to march in my territory to demand. You are no longer the beloved.”

 

His words make Sara grit her teeth and she growls. “You and I both know that that is not true.” She takes a deep breath, trying to control her temper. Getting pissed at Ra’s and attacking him would not do her any good. “I need to see Nyssa. I will rejoin the league. I will prove my loyalty once more. Just, please, Ra’s. _Please_ allow me to return home.”

 

By home, she means Nanda Parbat, with Nyssa in their house overlooking the sea— and she knows that Ra’s understands what she is saying.

 

Ra’s is as evil as evil comes but he tries to be a good father from time to time. As they glare at each other, Sara silently prays that this is one of those times. She needs to come home. She does not want to kill anymore but for those six years, killing was all she had known. That and Nyssa. Killing, no matter how evil and destructive, was Sara’s life for six years. It’s in her system. And she knows that if it comes down to it, she can do it, and she will do it damn well.

 

“This is your last chance, Ta-er al-Asfer.” Ra’s says, turning away from Sara and walking back inside his palace. “Make the same mistake again and I will personally hunt you down— _beloved or not_.”

 

Sara lets out a sigh of relief as she nods.

 

She can come home.

 

* * *

 

“I loved you.”

 

It ripped her heart to shreds as she watched Nyssa’s already teary eyes tear up some more. Nyssa did not even bother to hide the hurt. Sara felt the pain and sadness she inflicted on Nyssa in the way she whispered, “But not anymore.”

 

Nyssa’s eyes were sad and hurt and seeking for answers and all Sara could do was to tear her gaze away. She knows that if she stares back at Nyssa, she would crumble.

 

It’s a lie. It’s a big, fat, stupid, painful lie but lying is the only thing Sara thinks will help in her plead to be released from the league.

 

She hates hurting Nyssa, but Nyssa is the heir to the demon, and Sara is hell-bent on running away from demons these days.

 

* * *

 

She finds Nyssa curled up on her side of the bed, Sara’s pillow clutched tightly against her chest. Seeing Nyssa makes her realize that this, her being back to Nanda Parbat, is real but it does not send her running like the realization with Oliver did. Instead, it delivers a sense of peace in her heart and for the first time in months, she does not feel out of place.

 

Sara pads towards her without a sound, she knows exactly which inch of the wooden floor will creak if she steps on it and she avoids them religiously.

 

She stops when she’s standing by the edge of the bed and she softly calls, “Nyssa.”

 

Nyssa does not move, does not stir, but her eyes flutter open and she locks gazes with Sara. The surprise of seeing Sara makes her sit up and stare.

 

“S-Sara…”

 

She has a whole speech worked out before she arrived in Nyssa’s house. She was going to state her case, why she really left in the first place, why she is back, and how she confronted Ra’s first to set everything straight. She has a speech wherein she would tell Nyssa that she is sorry, she is terribly sorry, she never wanted to hurt Nyssa because while her father, mother, and sister are her family—Nyssa is her moon and her stars. Nyssa is her sky, the only constant element in her bat-shit crazy life, and if she were to lose Nyssa then what is the point of everything?

 

But standing in the bedroom of the place she has called home for six years, looking at the eyes of the woman who holds her heart and controls her world, Sara’s speech vanishes and all she could come up is a broken whisper,

 

“I wanted to come home, Nyssa.”

 

And Nyssa— beautiful, warm, constant Nyssa— says nothing as she scoots over and lifts the silk sheet covering her body, a silent invitation for Sara to join her. And Sara does. She gets on the bed, curls against Nyssa’s side, and buries her head on Nyssa’s shoulder as her arms slip around the taller assassin's body.

 

She feels Nyssa nuzzle close, her mouth landing on top of Sara’s head as she murmurs, “ _You’re home, habibti._ ”

 

And Sara nods. She’s home.

 

She’s come home.   
  


 

 

 


End file.
